Small talk shame. The internal critic that whispers, “You’re boring,” “You’re awkward,” “Your small talk is terrible.” For years, small talk felt like a performance I was constantly failing, a social obligation I dreaded and avoided whenever possible. Then, a chance encounter with a stranger completely shifted my perspective.
I was at a coffee shop, struggling to make small talk with the barista. Awkward silences, forced smiles, the usual small talk struggle. Then, the barista, noticing my discomfort, smiled and said, “Don’t worry about small talk. It’s just a way to connect. Sometimes the best conversations start with ‘How’s the weather?'” It was a simple, throwaway comment, but it landed with unexpected force.
Small talk shame ended by a stranger wasn’t about suddenly loving small talk, but about reframing its purpose and value. Small talk isn’t about being brilliant or witty; it’s about human connection. It’s about acknowledging each other’s presence, building rapport, and starting a conversation. Small talk shame lessened, replaced by a more relaxed, less judgmental approach to everyday social interactions. Small talk is just connection in its simplest form. Don’t overthink it. Just connect.